The Rectum Satans – Occult Blood

With a name like `The Rectum Satans’ you’d be forgiven for thinking that English was not the bands first, second or third language… but you’d be wrong! These purveyors of so-called `Brown Metal’ hail from Pennsylvania in the United States and are without a shadow of a doubt, a joke band. It’s also a rather puerile, tasteless joke too – all six tracks on the EP seem to be about excrement or anuses (or some amazing combination of the two).

You may ask – what does `brown metal’ sound like? From where I’m sitting, it sounds lot like primitive, underground black metal with a rough but accessible production which seems to vary slightly from track to track.
Opener `Ding Her In The Dinger’ starts off with what sounds like a brief clip from a porn movie, as is more usual for gore/grind style bands, but then suddenly a rather majestic black metal sound pours from the speakers, complete with heavy guitar riff and atmospheric keyboard. I found myself rather pleasantly surprised by this – until the vocals kicked in.

Good grief… the vocals are unbelievably annoying! Clearly they have been recorded through some kind of distortion pedal, and they sound very similar to an angry dalek! Throughout the entire EP, the vocals gurgle in a hideous and jarring manner, completely ruining the effect of the music – although not hearing the lyrics may actually have its advantages in this case.

Ignoring the hateful vocals for a second, the actual music on the EP is quite good in places, and reminds me a little of bands like Barathrum – it is primitive and repetitive, but with generally good, heavy and dark riffs, and the keyboards add a nice dramatic touch. All of this seems totally out of keeping with the ridiculous scatological theme – it seems that if the band actually put their minds to it they could be a half-decent black metal/heavy metal band.
The third track has a Spanish title, and even opens with a well-played acoustic intro which delves into spaghetti-western territory, before opening into a good stomping heavy metal riff. Just as the song starts to get my head nodding, the awful vocals gurgle over everything and ruin the whole effect.

The end of the EP is yet another surprise - `Wave ov Peristalsis’ is a keyboard instrumental with a swirling astral feel, and once again demonstrates that the band members are actually competent musicians, and can create something with class if they really put their minds to it.

This EP is disappointing on several different levels; firstly the fact that grown men chose to sit down and write songs about poo that only a twelve year old would find amusing, secondly that their musical competency is good enough that they could have written something vastly better than this, and if that doesn’t bother you then the utterly dreadful vocals will have you flushing this CD down the toilet faster than any bowel movement.

1. Ding Her In The Dinger
2. Rectvm Community Services Inc.
3. !Cuidado! !Piso Con Caca!
4. Our Turd Reigns
5. Beelzebowel
6. Wave Ov Peristalsis

Self released
Reviewer: Jon
Dec 13, 2009

Share this: